


Distraction

by Evil_Squirrel



Series: Whumptober 2019 [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Corpses, Discrimination, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Isolation, Past Character Death, Past Torture, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-10-25 11:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20723612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Squirrel/pseuds/Evil_Squirrel
Summary: Grisha has some time to think before the boat arrives to Paradis.





	Distraction

This is the end. There’s no way somebody could save them now. Grisha had hoped that something would happen, but after the torture it was clear that not even The Owl has any interest in intervention.

If he’s hoping in anything right now, it’s that when he transforms he takes out one of them. Maybe saying there’s nothing left was a soon call. There’s always revenge.

In the end, isn’t revenge the thing that got him here? For all his talks about wanting to revive the just empire and free Eldians from the internment zones the thing that kept him moving forward was still the vivid memory of his sister’s corpse found on the bank of the river. The case was closed immediately, if it was open at all. It was her fault for walking out of the internment zone. And it was his fault for taking her out to see an airship.

There’s no justice under Marleyans. They love painting themselves as those merciful and benevolent people for not outright killing every Eldian in the country when they first got the opportunity. If this is justice according to them, how can someone even believe their interpretation of history?

“Is anyone here?” he asks. No answer, but he knows somebody must be somewhere in the dark. They wouldn’t leave him alone.

“Is anyone here?” He tries it once again, waiting for any reaction. It could’ve been a kick, someone calling him names, whatever. Anything. But there’s nothing again.

What was the last time he had a normal conversation with someone? He remembers talking to Dina shortly before they were separated. However, he doesn’t know how much time passed since then. Waiting in jail before it was his turn to be tortured had felt like months; torture itself seemed to last for better part of eternity. He feels years older now and he will feel even older after they arrive at Paradis.

He could sometimes hear voices of other prisoners when he was waiting back then. Never did he hear a female voice. Maybe that means that Dina is safe. She must be safe. Anything, just don’t turn her into another titan. Just that. She will surely find a way to gather new people for the Restorationists. If she wants to. He wouldn’t blame her if she decides to prioritize her safety this time and just stay at home with Zeke.

Speaking of Zeke… he warned them. He pleaded them to stop doing dangerous things. And how did he react to his son’s words? He absolutely disregarded them and then yelled at him when he mentioned Faye. He should’ve handled the situation better. He should’ve handled _everything_ better. Why didn’t he ask Zeke instead if he knows something? At least, Zeke’s safe and with the rest of his family.

It must have been awful for his parents when they stood there with Zeke and watched them being arrested. Even though he regrets that the last time they saw him was when he was led away by police, it seems to him as a better alternative to sudden disappearing. His parents won’t rely on false hopes that he might return someday, unlike many other people with Liberio whose relatives, friends or loved ones just vanished one day. They know he’s gone for good.

His fingers hurt. He knows all of his fingers were cut, but he can still feel them. He knows that the only thing that remains from his fingers are barely stumps and that they hurt, but he feels his fingers anyway. It doesn’t help that he cannot see his hands since he’s blindfolded and his hands are behind his back, tied up.

Who was the man? That one who came when the torture was over. Tall, voice that demanded authority, cold stare. He brought the piece of cloth they blindfolded him with and said something, but what exactly? And where did they meet? Or when?

It would be easier to remember if he could get a good look at him again, this time without tears in his eyes. Maybe he will get this opportunity again, but part of him doubts it. It’s way more likely that he will just become a titan without his question being answered. He should just distract himself.

Except this is the distraction. The thing that keeps him from facing the reality of his state. He had been arrested, tortured and now he travels on a boat to the island where he will be turned into a giant with no free will and the only thing that will keep him going will be his hunger and he will stay like that until the end of time.

Maybe they never met at all. Maybe it was just his imagination. There were so many details from his torture he can’t recollect, as the face of his torturer, some of the questions or which of his fingers was cut first. It’s possible that his mind is just making up stuff to fill the gaps. 

It’s the same as most of his memories with Faye. As time went, details became blurry and now he’s not sure what animal she brought home one day that made their mother scream in horror, what birthday gifts she got for her last birthday, if she liked more purple or pink, if her favorite plushie was the cat or the ape and what her diary looked like even though she showed him. There’s only one clear memory of her – a wet corpse on grass, a torn coat, part of her face missing as well as a chunk of her hand.

And then, his father nodding at everything the officers said, his mother too broken to say anything, that one guard with a mustache who smelled after cigarettes and the other one who looked like he didn’t want to be there. Interesting. He didn’t have problem to kick him day earlier, but this seemed to be too much for him. 

Could it be him? It’s possible, but it would be too much of a coincidence. The same man who was there on that day will be there to witness his final moments? On the other hand, it would make sense. Both, the man from torture and the officer have to same aura around them. Cold, authoritarian men who are good at their jobs. Maybe too good.

The boat isn’t moving forward anymore. He can hear voices. That means they are at the place of delivery. Paradis.

“Move, you rat!” somebody yells at him, not realizing that moving with a blindfold on his eyes would be impossible. Or maybe he knows and he’s just using it as an excuse to yell at him.

Somebody – he’s not sure if it’s the same person as the yelling one or not – makes him stand up and then navigates him. There’s no way to resist. Even if he gets rid of the cloth on his eyes and runs away, there are still too many soldiers. It reminds him of a game he used to play as a kid, with his friends and his sister.

Since he can’t see anything, he just pictures smiling Faye. And then, dead Faye, uninvited, appears too. As he continues walking, the former one continues slipping away from his mind while the latter one will haunt him until he meets his fate. 


End file.
